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Joke of the Day

"Whenever Barry Allen is around, everything happens in a flash"

"Having sex is like playing an instrument. When you do it right, you'll start hearing noises."

"Ya know what's a real pain in my ass? Anal fissures."

"Just had a vegetarian meal with a nonalcoholic beverage at a restaurant whose produce are 80% locally grown. Feeling pretty smug."

"Secret: Something which is told to one person at a time."

"No thanks, people who hum to themselves. I've seen enough horror movies to know that you probably just killed someone or you're possessed."

"(really fucked up joke) How do you say happiness in German? Auschwitz"

"Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you're an adult!"

"...and so they left. So they left. The bartender said, ""Hey, we don't serve your kind here!"" Two time travelers walk into a bar."

"A toast! Had to throw away my toaster because it kept burning my toast. I guess you could say I'm black toast intolerant."