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Joke of the Day

"""Mommy, why does everyone at school pick on me?"" ""I've no idea, Someoneyourownsize."""

"*gets down to snails level* IF YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE TRYING TO GET TO THEN I CAN HELP YOU GET THERE FASTER."

"If a chick gets a tattoo of a horse on her boob, by the time she's 70, it'll be a giraffe!"

"I just bought shoes from a drug dealer... ... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"It's not about the sacrifices you have to make, it's about making sure your knife is sharp and they can't wiggle away."

"They say cow manure come from males. But that's bullshit."

"write your suicide note in frosting on a cake so no one can eat it and people will still hate you even though you are dead"

"I'm only good at math when I'm adding insult to injury."

"Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten? Waiter: I didn't have time to finish it."

"""It's a-WE, Mario."" - Peach, shortly before the divorce"