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Joke of the Day

"Did you know you can use a condom twice? Just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it"

"Do cats stutter? No, but they paws."

"""Officer, what can you tell us about the break in at the bakery today?"" ""Man I've seen all kinds of thieves in my career, but this one takes the cake"""

"Dry January is going really well. Even if everyone keeps saying that I need to shower."

"Scientists had already discovered a ninth planet 5000 times the size of Pluto years ago Your Mum"

"my lawyer wants me to turn myself into the police but I keep telling him impersonating a cop is what got me into trouble in the first place"

"CAPT. AMERICA: Merry Christmas, Hulk! Happy Hanukkah, The Thing! Er... what religion are you, Thor? THOR: Do you understand I'm an actual god"

"Happy Friday the Thirteenth I think it's bad luck to be superstitious"

"That moment when you realize you can't ignore someones message on Facebook anymore because it shows that you've read it."

"The '80s called: They want you stop anthropomorphizing decades."