170591

Joke of the Day

"[paddling silently along the amazon in 2-man kayak taking in it's beauty] *from behind me* you know they named this after a website"

"What did the secretary say to Bill Clinton after his inauguration speech? Wow, that was quite a mouthful."

"What's the difference between a deaf person and my wife? I don't know."

"What do you get when you cross a cat and a wild boar? Revocation of your grant money and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee."

"Saw a guy walking down the street talking to himself, hand gestures and all...So I did the right thing, stopped and told him about Twitter."

"Her: I think my IUD came loose and is floating around in there Me: C'mere, I drop my guitar pick in the sound hole all the time, no problem"

"Apathy, lethargy, stationary. Words to live by."

"What song does a dwarf pimp sing? high ho's, high ho's, it's off to work I go"

"What kind of pie can fly? A Magpie."

"What do Trump voters use as bookmarks? Lit matches."