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Joke of the Day

"the restraining order doesn't mean we can't hang, it just means I can't be within 50'. We could still play catch or frisbee or something..."

"If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer ...oh wait, he does."

"Trying to nurture my inner bully to stay motivated. So far, all I've succeeded in doing is stealing my own lunch money."

"Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want."

"One night stand I felt so bad about my one night stand. I think I'll buy another one for the other side of the bed."

"When I get a prescription for drugs, I don't ask, Will it work? Are there any side effects?' No, it's Can I drink with these?'"

"Customs Police: Do you have anything to claim? Me: A hot dog is a sandwich. Cop: ""Please step out of the vehicle"""

"Why is it so hard to get a comb from a bald man? Because they never part with them"

"Poop Patties What did the fry cook do when he found out they were making the burger patties with feces? He flipped a shit."

"Why is the ocean blue? Because all the fish in there goes ""bloo bloo bloo"""