170339
Joke of the Day
"My girlfriend says she needs time and distance Is she calculating velocity?"
Next Joke
"My friend Eric is having some real issues and shit is real bad for him... He's constipated"
"Did you hear about Jared Fogle? He likes to eat a little *too* fresh."
"My friend Carlos got his car stolen. We just call him Los now."
"I got a paper cut writing my suicide note... its a start"
"Guys, don't ever tell a girl that she's yummier than a gummy bear, she'll know it's not true because nothing is yummier than a gummy bear."
"A horse walks into a bar... A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says ""Is this some kind of joke?"". The horse doesn't understand, s***s on the floor and walks out."
"I had a dream that I killed all the dumb shirtless guys with 'swag' and their duckfaced girlfriends. It was the Yolocaust."
"I like this time of year because I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display"
"I'll defend puppies & kittens with my life.. But if your kid's acting like a spoiled brat...I will ABSOLUTELY knock him over when you're not looking."