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Joke of the Day
"My girlfriend says she needs time and distance Is she calculating velocity?"
Next Joke
"I'm told I sleep like a baby. ... I wake up crying every few hours"
"Changed Grandma's email signature to ""Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!"""
"You know you're ugly when... someone hands you the camera for a group picture and you still break the lens."
"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, unless they're small enough to fit a third in there."
"My mother is displeased with me. In other shocking news, water is wet and the sun is bright."
"You know how moray eels can't let go when they bite, and both sets of jaws must be pried off even after they're dead? Don't touch my fries."
"What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner."
"[dude is just absolutely drowning in the ocean, lifeguard sits back and smiles] i love no save november"
"How much does a hipster weigh? One instagram."