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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a psychic who simply doesn't care? Telapathy"

"What is Michael Bay's favorite phone? Note 7"

"How much does wonton soup weigh? One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it."

"I taught the kids to sign my name on report cards and detention slips because a good parent knows how to delegate responsibility."

"Why did the hipster burn his mustache on his coffee? ...he was totally drinking it before it was cool."

"Donald Trump put out an ad that said, ""I can make you a millionaire in three months"" with one small caveat... Billionaires only."

"How Did the Janitor Get Rich? Sweepstakes."

"Woman at drive-thru just called me ""honey."" Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike."

"""Wow! Can you believe it's almost June already?!"" YES DEB, I AM WHOLLY MYSTIFIED BY THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF TIME ON PLANET EARTH"

"Yo momma's so stupid she failed a pregnancy test"