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Joke of the Day

"My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing."

Next Joke
 
"Fortune tellers I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?"
"i'm the kind of person who would pretend i don't know your name but actually know what you been up to for the past 5 years per facebook."
"True Love Man: I want to share everything with you, my love. Woman: Let's start with your bank account."
"After many years of studying at a university, I've finally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it."
"Why was the blonde wearing condoms on her ears? Because she didn't want to get hearing-AIDS."
"Are you a rollercoaster? *motions hands to be about a foot long* cuz im this tall to ride"
"The check engine light could be more specific...is it 'holy shit stop the car right now' or 'proceed with caution for the next 6000 miles'?"
"Why did the Eskimos have to stop partying? because they ran out of Natural Light"
"I was going to have an 'end of the world' party... ...but I couldn't get the day off work."