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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a joke about a piece of paper ? Nevermind , it's tearable."

"It's so sad... that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs"

"What's the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"

"Just changed my Facebook name to No one' so when.. Just changed my Facebook name to No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say No one likes this'."

"The year is 2044. After trillions of dollars and thousands of lives lost, the SpaceX program lands a man on Mars. Mars: I have a boyfriend"

"I'm opening a store that specializes in selling automatic weapons. It's called Bloodbath & Beyond"

"I love how Prince Charming is so dumb he doesn't recognize Cinderella without her shoe."

"ME: Ugh hate summer when bees are flying everywhere BEE [angrily undoing seatbelt on plane] I'm gonna sting him BEE WIFE:Just leave it David"

"How do you win a small fortune in Las Vegas? By spending a large fortune."

"I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines."