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Joke of the Day

"And the Lord said unto John ""come forth and receive eternal life."" But John came fifth and got a toaster."

"David Hume's 'Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion' was published after his death, or in other words... it was published posthumeously."

"What do you call a group of babies? an Infantry"

"Why did they make the toilet paper so hard in North Korea? Because the Party wants to make every asshole Red."

"Just found a $5 bill in the dryer. -Adds money laundering to criminal resume."

"Why are teenage girls so much better at English than boys? Girls, like, have a much better, like, grasp of, like, similes."

"Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate."

"What's common between a bungee jumper and a hooker? If the rubber snaps, you're screwed"

"I have exponential spelling but terrible malapropism"

"Q: Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain? A: I don't know. It hadn't really crossed my mind."