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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the artist get a driver's license? He gave off a good Impression, but couldn't make a Van Gogh."

"What is the last thing on a Mosquito's mind when it hits a car windshield? It's Asshole."

"Despite it being close to Christmas, I'm still on my Summer diet... ...I'll have summer that, summer that, and summer that."

"GENIE: and for your first wish? ME: I wish that the end of every bag of chips was the start of another GENIE: holy shit!"

"ACQUAINTANCE: (crying) Nobody likes me ME: I like you ACQUAINTANCE: (crying harder) Nobody good likes me"

"What's the difference between a bird and a fly? Birds can fly, but flies can't bird"

"What kind of overalls does Mario wear? Denim denim denim"

"Two peanuts walk into a bar One was a salted."

"JEDI WHO INVENTED LIGHTSABER: ok its a destructive laser sword so maybe we shoudnt wear anythig too flowy JEDI IN CHARGE OF COSTUMES: ...OORR"

"So a dad catches his son masturbating... A dad walks into his son's bedroom and finds him masturbating. ""Son! That is bad for you, it'll make you go blind"". ""Dad, i'm over here''."