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Joke of the Day

"I'm so happy I finally tied the knot. Now I've just got to kick the chair she's standing on and I'm a free man!"

"Come forth... And God said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"Why should sailors eat crabapples? For the vitamin sea."

"Do you know what I call my hiking playlist? My trail mix"

"""Opps"" is my favorite typo because it suggests the thrill of a secret counterinsurgency."

"I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think... Is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?"

"Meet George Jetson His Boy Elroy Daughter Judy Jane his wife Just kidding, obviously. I'll send the real lyrics tomorrow. Do not use these."

"I'm not paranoid, but I feel like there's someone reading this..."

"I bought some shoes from my pill dealer on Friday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all weekend."

"You're so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line."