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Joke of the Day

"Being bummed that you finished your sandwich only to remember that you haven't even taken a bite of it yet must be what Heaven is."

"No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword"

"Fred Flintstone only gets haircuts in the UAE... It's the only place he can get an Abu Dhabi Do!"

"What do you say when a Canadian won't listen to you? He'll have Nunavut"

"Currently stuck at an auction bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor. I'm in it for the long hall."

"Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school? Everyone kept saying it was back to school time."

"What do pigs drive? Pig-up trucks!"

"I just Googled ""Living with Glaucoma"" before realising it was just a fingerprint smudge on my glasses."

"If you`re not going to help me break into my ex`s house to delete the hysterical message i left on his answerphone,then you`re not my friend"

"Dear Bruno Mars, don't die for that b*tch. Obviously if someone is throwing grenades at her then she must be involved in some serious sh*t."