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Joke of the Day

"If you`re not going to help me break into my ex`s house to delete the hysterical message i left on his answerphone,then you`re not my friend"

"Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related."

"The three most important unwritten rules. 1. 2. 3."

"[Freddy Krueger enters my dream but I'm blasting Rebecca Black on repeat] Who's nightmare is it now Freddy?!"

"It costs over 200,000 dollars to raise a child these days. And that's just for alcohol."

"If I learned anything about politics from this election It's that politics isn't about the ass you kiss but the pussy you grab"

"Whenever I get a ""Final Notice"" letter from a bill collector, I assume this concludes our business transaction."

"What's that difference between a pun and a dad joke? Dad jokes are punnier."

"It's the point of the night where I either keep my drunk friend from making an ass of herself or just tape it for youtube."

"What did the man say after his wife was dragged off the beach by a seal? Welp, seal ate her."