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Joke of the Day

"Her: You into S&M. Him: Sure. Her: Good. *ties him to bed post* Him: Oh yeah. Her: Ready...? Him: Torture me! Her: *plays Nickelback*"

"What do you call the misuse of a meme? A misdememer."

"Thanks to whoever invented the mute button, because I can poop while on a conference call."

"Can Feburary March? No. But April May"

"Girl, if you were a camel, I'd hump you!"

"Some days, I just like to live wild and dangerous... These are the days I say to a woman, ""calm. the. fcuk. down."""

"If Ben Affleck played Daredevil and Batman does that mean that he's blind as a bat? #WellThatsAGoodQuestion"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my wiener in a car exhaust pipe"

"Whats the difference between a corvette and a blowjob? Your mom didnt give me a corvette"

"My Accounting Teacher Told Us This One Today If your debits and credits don't equal, then your assets in jail."