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Joke of the Day

"When did the criminal get smart? When the judge threw the book at him."

"Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'? Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!"

"What do you call it when all the Chinese places in town start to close? Wonton endangerment."

"(Male-related)When I have a double stream, is there something obstructing the penis? or is it just being a dick?"

"What do you call a cock-muncher's favorite meal..? Not me.. Stop calling me that."

"1st baby: you make sure he's breathing every five minutes 2nd baby: someone replaced him with a ham in the crib and you don't even notice"

"I asked Dad why we put cookies on the counter for Santa.. Dad replied ""because thats the way the cookie crumbles"""

"Did you hear about Disney's new Tick Tock Crock ride? It's killer."

"*school reunion* Guy: Reporter is cool I spose. I became a doctor so I could actually help people ya know Clark Kent: *fist clenched* mmm hm"

"I hold the U.S. indoor record for waiting in the house until my neighbors go back inside."