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Joke of the Day

"*school reunion* Guy: Reporter is cool I spose. I became a doctor so I could actually help people ya know Clark Kent: *fist clenched* mmm hm"

"For our first date, we'll dump a Crayola 64 box onto the floor, and put them back from worst to favorite."

"There's only one thing I love more than bacon ...and I can't put pussy in my mashed potatoes."

"The fact that they call it the Food Pyramid and not Food Triangle implies it has at least two other sides. So maybe this much taffy is OK"

"How do you make a 4 year old girl cry twice? Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear."

"My 6yo is arguing with me over what day of the week it is. Have kids, they said."

"Sex burns 300 calories an hour. After doing some extensive calculations, this year I burned roughly 5 calories."

"LPT: Play the Game of Thrones theme tune before you have sex if there is a risk of being overheard. Got me and my SO through the recent family stay overs during the festive season."

"Yesterday my wife got stung by a bee while golfing I asked where, and she informed me it was between the first and second holes. Being the helpful type, I advised her that her stance was too wide."

"Did you know? If you took a man's small intestine and stretched it all the way out from end to end, you would go to jail."