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Joke of the Day

"the guy at Subway just put Cheetos on my sandwich. can't tell if he's stoned, or he knows that I am"

"How do Frenchmen share files? Pierre to Pierre."

"9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?"

"Son, i don't think you are cut out to be a mime. Son: Was it something I said?"

"What do you call an asian who hates black people? A member of the Kru Krux Kran"

"I masturbated on a roller-coaster once... ...it was a real white-knuckle ride."

"Show me a dude eating pork ribs and macaroni after midnight and I'll show you a dude about to hit send on this tweet."

"doctor: you know how to measure your bowel movements me: yeah of course doctor: you weigh yourself before and after me: [15 Sec pause] yeah"

"What's 6.9? A good thing screwed up by a period"

"There's no wrong answer until you answer differently than me."