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Joke of the Day

"Show me a dude eating pork ribs and macaroni after midnight and I'll show you a dude about to hit send on this tweet."

"I just burned 2000 calories... That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap!!!"

"90% of the men who cheat and get caught give bad name to the rest 10% who only cheat."

"OPRAH AND AIRPORT SECURITY Q: Did you hear why Rosie O'Donnell got arrested? A: Airport security lifted up her dress and found 200 pounds of crack."

"I have a hole in my sock... Darn it!"

"What does R. Kelly tell little girls on Halloween? Urine for a treat!"

"How are women like rocks? You skip the flat ones."

"Just made eye contact with an old guy as he slowly licked an ice cream cone. Great, like I don't have enough shit keeping me up at night."

"TORTURER: I'm gonna water-board u ME: Hahaha, where u gonna find enough water TORTURER: *takes Tupperware out of the dishwasher* ME: Oh shit"

"Where is the biggest jews concentration? In the air."