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Joke of the Day

"This milk's brand name is ""Organic Valley."" I can't drink it. Too grossed out picturing livers, spleens and pancreases sitting in a valley."

"I just want to feel as important as a person who remains on a phone call through the entire duration of a grocery checkout."

"Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth ... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already."

"I really gotta start saying ""congratulations"" I instead of ""are you keeping it?"""

"So a man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a piece of shrink wrap... The doctor looks up and says; ""I can clearly see your nuts."""

"A womans anger is like a check engine light..there is no way to figure out why it came on so just ignore it and hope it goes away...."

"My wife walked in on me and found me f***ing our daughter... I didn't know what she found more disturbing, the fact I was f***ing our daughter, or that the abortion clinic sold me her fetus."

"Medusa is the sexiest woman to ever live... everyone who saw her got hard"

"Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!"

"Twitter drama doesn't have anything on LinkedIn drama."