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Joke of the Day

"No, Grandma. Still not married; but the lady in the Popeye's Chicken commercials keeps calling me ""Honey"" so we'll see where that goes."

"A narcissist, a misogynist, and a bigot walks into a bar... Bartender says, what'll it be Mr. President?"

"Check this one out: 1"

"If a person becomes a murderer they go to jail If a cop becomes a murderer they get paid vacation."

"Did you hear about how James Bond slept through an earthquake? He was shaken, not stirred."

"I want to start a show about businesses in my neighborhood called, ""HOW IS IT STILL OPEN??!"""

"WIFE: please come out of there so we can talk ME: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where? WIFE: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft"

"Why was Ohm the Empire's best scout? He discovered the resistance"

"*gets so drunk I grab a fish out of your fish tank and shakes it at you screaming ""WHAT KIND OF DOG IS THIS?!"" *"

"What do lesbians use to get on top of a building? A scissor lift."