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Joke of the Day

"A sober Irishman arrives goes home after work... That's it."

"The main reason I'm single is because every woman I date tries to hoard the red skittles & I'm not cool with that shit."

"Software boner. Why did the computer need Viagra? Because it had a 3.5 inch floppy disk."

"[Inspecting car] *kicks tire* ""Mmhm just as I suspected, it can withstand a single kick."""

"I was once an avid smoker of weed... I did weed everywhere I did it in rain I did it in snow But I did not, in hail."

"do you have a girlfriend dude? Friend: yeah dude! Me: where is she from? Friend: from a different nation. Me: oh really? Which country? Friend: from imagiNATION."

"""Grapey."" -me after every wine at the wine-tasting"

"Being cremated..... ..... is my last hope for a smoking hot body."

"Restless leg syndrome does not give you the right to swiftly kick people whenever you feel like it. I know that now.. "

"What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one."