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Joke of the Day

"Got a blowjob from a blind girl last night... ..or at least I think it was a blowjob, it was dark and my bionic cock doesn't feel shit."

"They should put a statue of me next to the Statue of Liberty so immigrants know the American Dream is hit or miss."

"Me: Have a taste of your own medicine *I force the pills the Dr. prescribed for me down his throat* Me: WHO HAS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION NOW?!"

"I met a girl with 12 boobs Sounds weird, dozentit"

"What do you call saplings in the army? the infantry"

"Yoda: *dies and fades away* Luke: Thank God. I was so sick of his backward talking. Ghost Yoda: Heard that, I did."

"Do you know Forest Gump's Facebook password? 1Forest1"

"I love how people say they're ""expecting"" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin."

"What do you call a black guy wearing an ankle bracelet? A stay at home dad"

"""I've looked everywhere"" to men is really ""I skimmed the floor then opened and shut 3 cabinets"""