142271

Joke of the Day

"""Daddy will u tuck me in?:)"" ""Ok"" *tucks him in* ""Daddy sing me a song:)"" ""Ok"" *clears throat* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES H"

"I swapped my wife's parachute around with her backpack. Now when the bitch goes on her stupid camping holiday, all she will have is a parachute. *copypaste from sickipedia.org*"

"America is 5 wars away from receiving a free one."

"What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer One sells watches, and the other watches cells."

"""If you gaze long into a bisque, the bisque also gazes into you."" - Philosophical soup kitchen chef"

"Today holds a lot of meaning to me. Today is the 2 year anniversary that I lost my wife and children I'll never forget that game of cards."

"My girlfriend treats me like I'm God She ignores my existence and doesn't ever speak to me."

"What do communists clean first when they do their laundry? Their Linens"

"Thinking of cryogenically freezing myself until they can find a cure for unemployment."

"I'll see your Limerick. . I was driving along in my Bentley, tossing off ever so gently I hit a bump in the road and I shot my load not on purpose, but quite accidently!"