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Joke of the Day

"Personal Trainer- So how have you been cutting your carbs? Me-Mostly with a bread knife or a pizza slicer"

"What comes after L? Bow"

"If I ever get arrested, my one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there."

"Pedophiles like their wine like they like their girls 9 years old and locked up in the basement"

"Don't fear the onegina Commitment fearing men, do not fear the onegina syndrome, merely have a baby with her. It will feel like two."

"I can't take the time to exercise but I did some killer cardio pacing indecisively in front of the Ben & Jerry's section of the supermarket."

"If you die from one of the diseases you can get on The Oregon Trail, I'm gonna laugh at you. Sorry."

"What did one black guy say to another black guy? We're both black guys."

"""I love garlic bread! Put another loaf in the oven baby""fun song I made up at dinner. RT to show my family they're wrong & the song is good"

"Business trip The wife asked me, ""When you're away on a business trip, do you think about me?"" Apparently ""Only to stop myself from coming too quickly"" wasn't the right answer."