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Joke of the Day

"New glasses ""New glasses? They look super, man!"" Clark Kent begins to sweat."

"Who are you going to trust, some real doctor who says it's impossible to make you a centaur, or me, the guy with a hacksaw and half a horse?"

"I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer."

"How do you prevent alcoholism? Shots."

"Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. HI I'M A NERVOUS POOPER. ... Nailed it!"

"How do you start a Rave in Ethiopia? Staple food to the ceiling."

"What do the bathroom doors at the funeral home say? His and Hearse."

"What goes cackle cackle squelch squelch? A witch in soggy trainers."

"Wearing a wig is probably worth the hassle for those moments when you get to dramatically pull it off your weary, tearful head."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck? People sometimes get upset if you shoot a duck. The duck is much less greasy. BUT MOST IMPORTANT Nobody ever complains about a duck's bill."