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Joke of the Day

"[quietly opens a beer] Funeral Director: seriously?! Me: oh sorry [reaches into cooler and hands him one]"

"vote up if when you switch on light in a dack room and it shines, where does the dackness go to?"

"Gross. This salad tastes like pee and vegetables. Don't ask me how I know what vegetables taste like."

"Looks like I'm going to need to have the ""drug talk"" with my daughter because this ecstasy she sold me is NOT working."

"Dozens of Foxnews employees found dead in horrible murder spree! They were in the Kentucky Church in Kingsman! /(this joke makes sense if you have seen the movie)"

"Why did sally fall of the swing? she had no arms"

"Sorry I yelled ""SURPRISE!"" when you caught me in bed with your husband. I was unaware that you don't like surprises."

"What's the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass."

"I like my girls like my file system... FAT and 16."

"What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong *walked on the moon* but Michael Jackson was a *pedophile.*"