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Joke of the Day

"The new pool lifeguard was talking to his boss about his experience so far ""There's an exceptional amount of friendly people here. It's been at least seven who has waved at me."""

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"I used to be addicted to frozen sandwiches But I decided to go cold turkey."
"How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day? Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours."
"Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before social interactions, very helpful."
"*4yo son, crying* I'm sorry! How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to cook the macaroni necklace? *sigh* Parenting is hard."
"Caught my kid forging my signature and I have to say, pretty good for a third grader"
"Jesus may have fed fishes and loaves to 5000 people.... But hitler made 6 million jews toast."
"Q: What happens when two oxen bump into each other? A: You have an oxident."
"What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino? Hell if I know! (elephino)"
"TIL Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Human almost never eat monkeys at all."