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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a psychic midget that just robbed a bank? Small medium at large"

"What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history? American Snipper"

"My first day in prison & my giant cell-mate wants to play house. He asks me if I want to be Mama or Papa. I tell him I'll be Papa. ""Ok Papa. Now get over here and suck Mama's dick."""

"Hey Bradley Cooper's eyes: the most beautiful sky imaginable called - it wants it's color back"

"Are you ever going to use those Styrofoam plates? No, they're not biodegradable. Well throw them away then!"

"A man's wife and his lawyer are drowning, and he must make a choice; so, he chooses to go to the movies. The end. just heard this on *Mad Men* btw"

"Crazy lady next to me forgot to take her meds, flipping out and shit. I hate seeing this. Just going to walk away from my mirror now."

"What is the best spanish joke you've ever heard? I couldnt find the spanish section of reddit"

"What did the police officer say to stop the depressed man from jumping off the bridge? You have potential. Sorry if this is a repost, just thought of it now."

"What happened when porky pig fell asleep at his construction job? The foreman fired him, saying, 'We can't have bored boars boring boards.'"