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Joke of the Day

"I caught my son wiping his boogers on the couch which is gross because I don't want our boogers mixing."

"How many morons does it take to change a lightbulb? 14,000. 1 to hold the lightbulb, 4 to hold the chair, and 13,995 to spin the house."

"What's a one way streets favorite band? One Direction"

"What did the black guy see when he went down the roller coaster? His upper lip."

"What kind of phone does a burglar use? A no-key-a"

"How do you catch a red elephant? With a red elephant trap."

"I run a suicide hotline. A guy called me once, told me I had 60 seconds to convince him not to jump off his balcony on the 41st floor. He must've confused me with the *anti*-suicide hotline."

"What did the Navy battleship captain say to his first mate during a skirmish? [OC] I think I'm feeling C6"

"Welcome to Alzheimer's Club. I see a lot of new faces today."

"I told someone my name and they said, ""That's unusual. You don't hear that every day."" Actually, I do."