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Joke of the Day

"Getting a retweet from someone with 0 followers is like being a beneficiary in a homeless person's will."

"Friend: You're going to be an usher at our wedding. Is that okay? Me: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah."

"You know why I want to call you Yoda? Because yoda best thing I've seen all day"

"Did you hear about the gay midget? he just came out of the cabinet."

"If you! Use exclamation points!! This often! I want to! Smother you!! And your enthusiasm! With a pillow!!!"

"My favourite Celine Dion song is the one where it's muted all the way through."

"This just in, Beverly Hills, 90210 Cleveland Browns, 3 >Credit to Colin Mochrie from *Whose Line Is It Anyway?*"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? The ""P"" is silent"

"What comes in pairs? seeds"

"What does an airplane and a female have in common? They both have cockpits."