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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about President Clinton's plan to secretly bomb eastern Ukraine? He called it the ""Donetsk, Don't Tell"""

"I always knew I'd end up drunk in a gutter. I just didn't expect everyone around me to keep bowling."

"what's a pirate comedian's favorite reddit? aaaarrrrrrrr/jokes"

"Mission Control: prepare to enter the vacuum of space Dog Astronaut: wait the what now"

"What does Sean Connery say when he has to go number 2? ""I've got a shituation"""

"My wife left me because I kept touching pasta inappropriately... Now I'm feeling cannelloni"

"You know what they say about girls with big feet...? They gotta wear big shoes."

"I just want to make you hot. Mess your hair up. Get your blood flowing. When I chase you around the house over the last piece of pizza."

"Is that gluten free? You mean Kosher for Passover, right?"

"Ever heard the song Coldplay wrote about the American Civil War? It goes: ""When you try your best, but you don't secede""."