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Joke of the Day

"Mission Control: prepare to enter the vacuum of space Dog Astronaut: wait the what now"

"A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame."

"Get it? http://imgur.com/AIhM5"

"Reasons I Can Relate To Raccoons: 1) Dark circles around eyes. 2) Eats junk. 3) Small and chubby. 4) Stays up all night. 5) Cute but will fight you."

"Taking a nap until my carbon monoxide detector stops beeping."

"What do doctors do with the foreskins from circumcisions? Sell them to gay guys as chewing gum."

"what's a pirate's favorite letter? You would think its 'RRRRRRRRRRR', but its actually P because without it they would go irate!"

"I pulled a muscle masturbating... I know, I know; you're not supposed to put the punchline in the title."

"Words to live by What doesn't kill you, isn't in Australia"

"As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection. ""Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog,"" said the vet."