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Joke of the Day

"How do you starve a Socialist? You hide their food stamps under their work boots. Edit; Thank you /u/DoctorBrohoof for my first gold!"

"What is the longest word? Smiles... It has a mile between the two 'S's"

"Self Respect is... Washing your hands before you take a piss. ...or rather, leave one."

"AROMATHERAPY CONUNDRUM: Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing? #retweet #grief"

"When Eminem, wrote Recovery, obviously he wanted to Recover. Akon wrote Freedom, because he wanted freedom. And Justin Bieber wrote boyfriend, hhmmmm......"

"There was a man who was arrested for masturbating in a public library... He came quietly."

"Chimney Sweep Lady chimneysweep is a real fluesie"

"Apparently, Tiger is back in a bit of form. I wonder what her name is?"

"I was banned from guitar class because of an inappropriate reaction to ""let's practice your fingering technique"""

"One time I got Starmix and Tangfastics mixed up... ...it was a Haribo mistake."