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Joke of the Day

"Policie arrested 2 kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid and the other one was eating fireworks. One kid was charged, but the other one took off."

"Whenever you feel depressed, imagine someone tickling Kristen Stewart."

"A red and blue ship collided in the Mediterranean today. The survivors are marooned."

"Usain Bolt doesn't know shit bout speed compared to a parent putting their hand over their kids mouth when they see someone w/ an eye patch."

"I just realized I'm a bisexual. Every time I have sex, I have to buy it."

"I'm a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I'm your man."

"well for starters this x box controller is considered an accessory, so technicalley im Not shirtless. now give me mcburger"

"What is a pirate's favorite material? Arrr-gyle."

"How does a man who has just had his legs cut off at the ankles feel? Defeated"

"Dear Apple, Sorry to hear that you're still figuring out how cell phones work."