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Joke of the Day

"Breaking up with your significant other is like bowling You carry something heavy going into it, and if it goes as planned, you walk away with an X."

"I was sad when I learned Steve Irwin died... .. but at least he died the same way he lived: with animals in his heart."

"""I SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE,"" I scream, as a sudden gust of wind blows the spider I threw outside onto my face."

"A guy comes into a bar. No, wait... it was a horse. So, a guy comes into a horse."

"Watch out for the bandit stealing and shredding newspapers. It's breaking news."

"[the noise of everyone talking at a party randomly goes silent] ME: i call hot dogs meat pickles"

"You know why Miss Piggy can't count to 70? She gets to 69 and has a frog in her throat. Edit"

"Do you want to hear a Knock Knock joke? Okay, you start it."

"Why do people keep picking on fat people? They've got enough on their plates."

"What's the difference between a Pound and a Dollar? A dollar"