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Joke of the Day

"2 monkeys in the bath. One says to the other... ""Ooh ah ah ah uh uh ooh ah ah ah ah aaah"" The other says... ""Do you want me to put some more cold in?"""

"Standing in the snow on a sub-zero morning, holding a steaming bag of poop, I begin to question my dogs are better than people' philosophy."

"I said hello to a feminist My court date starts tomorrow."

"Why don't Jews go to Jupiter? Because it's a gas planet"

"If I was the editor of a magazine, I would put gametes on the cover Because sex cells."

"Ever see a jack ass wrapped in plastic? If not... Look at your drivers license."

"Dad: Remember when I told you Santa wasnt real Me: Yea Dad: There's one more thing Me: Don't say it Dad: Retirement Me: *sobs uncontrollably"

"What's the best benefit of working for ISIS? early retirement"

"If Christians made a movie about church attendance, what would they call it? Exodus"

"5yo's pretending she's a tourist at a hotel. All good, but I draw the line when my services are criticized because the ""toilet's too cold."""