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Joke of the Day

"Ever see a jack ass wrapped in plastic? If not... Look at your drivers license."

"Neckbeard goes to the doctor, feeling abnormal. He had a ma'lady."

"What do you get when you cross a busy road with a broken leg and a blindfold? Hit."

"Divorce court is like regular court except the judge sentences you to freedom."

"Have you ever had North Korean food? No? Neither have they."

"So a Syrian refugee walks into a bar in Hungary. No, he doesn't."

"Shopping for Melons My wife sent me to the supermarket with a grocery list, but when I unfolded and read it, all it said was ""melons"". I guess it was the honey dew list."

"My wife texted me at lunch ""Window's frozen"" ""Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel"" I replied. Ten minutes later, she called back. ""We need a new computer now""."

"Clean tweeting is liberating. You don't need profanity to make a point. Look: Tell her she has beautiful eyes. Female dogs love that poopy."

"Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus"