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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a happy person and ET? A happy person has a light heart and ET has a heart light"

"What happens if you steel? You have to get Alloy-er"

"I've decided I'll never get down to my original weight I'm okay with that. After all, 6lbs, 3oz, is just not realistic."

"El Chapo is a very special guy... He's juan of a kind"

"My wife: Are you ever going to stop quoting ""Gangstas Paradise""? Me: The way things are going I don't know"

"Did you hear Clinton has a girlfriend? ...they think Bill might have one too."

"My tweets may contain typos because English is not my first language--my first language was baby talk, and babies are horrible writers."

"I'll never know if those cookies will give me super powers or not unless I eat some."

"Why was the peanut so salty? Because it got R O A S T E D"

"What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer? Kobe beef"