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Joke of the Day

"Its possible to live on a diet of only potatoes But, as the Irish found out, it wasn't possible to live on a diet without them."

"Why did Adele cross the road #To say hello from the other side#"

"""Was I adopted?"" ""Yes. But they brought you back."""

"""Jesus take the wheel!"" I shout, but Jesus decided to pop out of the sunroof firing a machine gun at our pursuers instead."

"Dad: Why are your eyes red, son? Son: I smoke weed, dad. Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot."

"Judge: Your client says he's mentally fit to stand trial correct?Lawyer: Yes, your honor.Judge: Then can you tell him to get out of my seat?"

"What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after the third 'Ho'"

"What's the opposite of effort? F it."

"Can someone throw Kevin Bacon in the freezing Artic waters and give him hypothermia? I NEED this six degrees of Kevin Bacon joke."

"A tap, tap, tapping at my door Knock, knock. *Who's there?* Control freak. *Contro-* (interrupting) Now you say, ""Control freak who?"""