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Joke of the Day

"Judge: Your client says he's mentally fit to stand trial correct?Lawyer: Yes, your honor.Judge: Then can you tell him to get out of my seat?"

"My orgasm face looks like I'm opening a jar of pickles."

"Does anyone else bring a bag of clever disguises to the grocery store in case there's a wine sampling booth that day?"

"The worst thing about Muhammad Ali sending a ""Tweet"" to Mayweather . . . Ali couldn't type it and Mayweather couldn't read it."

"When in doubt, ask yourself WWBD: What Would Beyonce Do? Would she apply for a job? Nope. She'd just show up one day like ""I work here now."""

"Why did the recruiter hire a Spider ? Q: Why did the recruiter hire a Spider ? A: Because he wanted to hire a Strong ""Web Developer""."

"*coughs like a maniac* *pretends to pick nose* *scratches armpit* Things I will do on the bus so no one will sit next to me."

"Listen google, it's 2015. I need you to figure out who I'm talking about when I type ""that one guy in that movie I didn't like."""

"A new species of fish have evolved to have wrists They're called metacarpals."

"Can I have some orange juice? You: Can I have some orange juice? Other person: sure go ahead. You: Do you have any orange? Other person: what? You: I have jews but i dont have any orange."