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Joke of the Day

"I'm ABSOLUTELY positive I'd accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber."

"Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries? A: Under ""Home Improvements."""

"What's Gandalf's favorite band? A Flock of Smeagols"

"What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? You can't make a vita-min. But you can make a hor-mone!"

"Granny knot, surgeon's knot, hangman's knot, square knot. I can't do them, but my headphones sure fucking can."

"Hitler took a quiz... He didn't do that well on most of the questions, but he got the third reich."

"How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? You tape a loaf of bread to the ceiling"

"What did Sherlock ask his friend when he wanted to know what they were having for dinner? Watson the menu"

"Q: Why do divorced men get married again? A: Bad memory."

"""Hold the mayo"" is my ""shaken, not stirred."""