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Joke of the Day

"today a 6 yr old girl asked me if butterflies are flowers that escaped & i was like yo what is yr twitter handle"

"A stallion with a smoking habit kidnaps hookers. So basically a hoarse horse hoards whores."

"What do women and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them."

"Did you hear about the Middle Eastern beauty contest? Me neither."

"I found out ""penis"" means ""tail"" in Latin. That must be why chasing tail never ended well for me."

"I am not pro gay. I am not even amateur gay. But, I support their rights."

"I was tanning on the beach with my son. After a while, he looked at me and said, ""You're look like a lobster."" ""Uh oh, do I need some sun tan lotion?"" I asked. He said, ""No, you're just really ugly."""

"Whats worse than Bad command or File name? Windows update message asking you to restart your computer"

"What type of fruit is not allowed to get married? Cantaloupe..."

"All I do is eat, drink, sleep and tweet. I'm basically just a more annoying version of a Tamagotchi."