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Joke of the Day
"How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell."
Next Joke
"Call me crazy but you can't follow, star, retweet, and trophy me and then act surprised when I show up to your house in a wedding dress."
"A red and blue ship collided in the Mediterranean today. The survivors are marooned."
"Me: We do *not* spit on our classmates! 5YO: Well, who DO we spit on, then? I miss the funny stuff my kids said when they were little."
"I like putting my feet on Ottomans. I mean they deserve it after what they did to Constantinople. Footstools shouldn't conquer empires."
"I could be happily married to some dude for 50 year an id still be textin ma pals like ""omg do u think he likes me???"""
"DATE: dessert? MY BRAIN: im full MY STOMACH: i want food DATE: one piece of chocolate wont hurt MY DOG: THAT MAN IS TRYIMG TO KILL MY OWNER"
"fireworks underwater detonation petarda dum bum pod woda dum bum unter wasser"
"What do sailors eat for breakfast? Naval oranges"
"*at the pond* ""honthere's something i need to ask you"" *emotional* yes? *blows duck call* *ducks on water arrange to spell out 'TACOS?'*"