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Joke of the Day

"Call me crazy but you can't follow, star, retweet, and trophy me and then act surprised when I show up to your house in a wedding dress."

"What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girl's butt hole? You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're gonna give it a lick."

"Trying to get this hot girl at the bar jealous, so I'm slow dancing & making out with a potted plant. It's working, she's been staring at me"

"Not now, kids. Mommy's boiling the Easter bunny."

"What have Brussel sprouts and pubic hair got in common? You brush them both to the side and carry on eating."

"What's the best time of this month for vampires? It depends on the girl"

"What's the difference between the standard alphabet and Christmas alphabet? There's Noel."

"Q: What do a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in."

"I have a good League of Legends jokes Doublelift joins TSM!! HAHAHA AMIRITE GUYS!! :'("

"Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens. Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted."