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Joke of the Day

"Me: We do *not* spit on our classmates! 5YO: Well, who DO we spit on, then? I miss the funny stuff my kids said when they were little."

"How do you draw a scatter plot? You give the pen to michel j fox"

"I saw a guy with down syndrome buying a pair of jeans today. I thought to myself, ""What a greedy bastard, haven't you got enough already?"""

"What's the worst thing about Fridays? Realizing it's only Tuesday."

"It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am."

"I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can't any more. My phone battery just doesn't have the stamina any more."

"What do you call a Polish airplane? A Jet-ski."

"i want all the extra fat on my body to fall off and turn into $65,000 cash"

"How do you go about picking up a nice Jewish girl? With a broom and a dustpan."

"Just overheard someone say they need an ""escape goat"" for their project & I can't decide if they're a complete idiot or an evil genius."