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Joke of the Day

"Smile. Your enemies hate it."

"Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin? A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war."

"Can I have your picture, So Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me on this CHRISTMAS."

"Sometimes girls look at me and say, ""Mmm not bad."" They don't say it out loud but I can tell they're thinking that."

"No more ""if you're bf stops playing his game to text you..."" If your girlfriend understands to give texting a rest when you're playing video games, marry her."

"Stop with the boxing jokes guys... You're beating a Mayweather's girlfriend here."

"What do you call a blonde Jew? Goldie Lox (my little sis just came up with this...or so she said)"

"[Interviewing to be a mortician] Do you have any experience handling dead bodies? -Well I get my sleepy kids ready for school every day."

"I tripped over some stupid plant so I gave it the finger and walked in a circle around it because I wasn't sure where its stupid eyes were."

"Why do people say tunafish, rather than just tuna? Is that to differentiate from the tunacow and tunagiraffe?"