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Joke of the Day

"I also painted my computer black, hoping it would run faster. But the police choked it to death, and ruled it justified."

Next Joke
 
"*daughter reading *son playing ipod *dog sleeping *house quiet *I go take a dump FISTFIGHT BREAKS OUT, DOG'S ON FIRE"
"Why do female zombies have such a terrible sex life? Because whenever they shout, ""I want you inside me."" all of the guys run away."
"Three elephants fell off a cliff. Two fell on land. One fell in the water. Boom-boom-chhh!"
"I bought my girlfriend a new LOTR themed sex toy... ... It's called Dildo Shaggins"
"How many animals can you fit in a condom? A cock and a couples of hares! Source: I was told this in a bar tonight and felt the need to share it!"
"""So your telling me that you'd be willing to lick your SO's butthole..."" ""But all be damned if you would share a toothbrush!"""
"What do you call a Nun that has a sex change operation? A Transistor"
"[work email] Me: Can I meat the new guy? Boss: Meet? Okay, sure... Me: Great! *hides bag of steaks*"
"My wife thinks I drink too much... ...but the guy who runs my dialysis treatment says he's seen way worse."