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Joke of the Day

"*daughter reading *son playing ipod *dog sleeping *house quiet *I go take a dump FISTFIGHT BREAKS OUT, DOG'S ON FIRE"

"[shipwreck diary] Day 44: Some of the survivors have resorted to drinking their own piss. Nobody wants to drink mine cos it's 'too chunky'."

"What did one nihilistic dolphin say to the other? ""What is life without a porpoise?"""

"What do Egyptians do when their mass transit breaks down? Get Anubis."

"How many IT professionals does it take to change a lightbulb? Have you tried turning it off and back on?"

"Apparently the local fruit fly is a smoker..... She goes out every night for a drag."

"What did Mr T say when asked if he had any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags, fool."

"Blasphemous jokes http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/ubv1y/whats_the_best_religious_or_antireligious_joke/ Yes, it is in /r/atheism, but there are some really good ones in there"

"With all this talk of making Puerto Rico the 51st state, I think we should find 2 more to make 53. One nation, indivisible."

"Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A: A nervous wreck."