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Joke of the Day

"[work email] Me: Can I meat the new guy? Boss: Meet? Okay, sure... Me: Great! *hides bag of steaks*"

"What's the difference between Toddlers & Tiaras and a scat fetish? One's fucking shit, and the other is a scat fetish. Just made it up, wondered how you guys thought it would be."

"Yo momma's pussay is like the white house: No bush, and there's a black guy in there now."

"My grandad has the heart of a lion... ...and a lifetime ban from the Edinburgh zoo"

"What's the difference between a banana and a helicopter? You can helicopter your banana but you can't banana your helicopter"

"The band's name is 1023 MB. They haven't had any gigs yet."

"Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? Because there were so many knights"

"I took my BMW to the mechanic today after a strange light came on. I asked him what it was, as I've never seen it before. Apparently it was called an indicator, does anyone know what it's for?"

"If April showers bring May flowers, what does May bring? The pilgrims."

"*Gets called into HR Me: What was I accused of now? HR: I haven't had any sexual harassment claims against you lately. Is everything ok?"